One year ago today, was one of the worst days of my life. I can't even recall that day without a pit in my stomach and a deep ache in my heart.
I'll never forget the phone call from her sister, telling me that something had gone wrong during delivery, and the baby was gone.
What?! NO! This couldn't be! A healthy pregnancy and baby, and suddenly he's gone!!
Re-living that phone conversation gives me the chills.
One of my very best friends and her husband, lost their baby, due to a silent placental abruption that wasn't discovered until she was at the hospital, preparing for delivery.
Although rushed back for an emergency c-section, they were still unable to save him and he went to be with Jesus on December 13, 2013.
Baby Tripp is forever in our hearts.
I can't tell you the pain and anguish this caused the entire community. But, how thoroughly impressed I was with the support and love shown to not only the parents, but to one another.
It's hard not to be angry with God and ask why something like this had to happen. Why people who have wanted and waited so long to have a baby, lose theirs, while other babies are born into un-wanted environments.
I have to trust and believe in his perfect plan. And so far, God has never been more present in their lives. It's taught me the value of being patient and waiting for the plan to unfold. God knew what Tripp's destiny would be, before he formed in his mother's womb. He knew that our friends would experience pain and suffering and he knew that they would question Him over and over. But, God is soverign and good. All the time.
This perfect plan of His has become more and more evident with time. And someday, they will hold their sweet Tripp in their arms and the plan will become clear and they will understand.
I have to lean on that belief as well. We lost two pregnancies, one was fairly early on, but the other happened was when I was almost 10 weeks along. Perhaps the most devestating time of my life. I remember questioning the fairness, feeling emptiness and anger and wondering why it happened to me. It's amazing how much you can love someone you've never met. I had so many hopes and dreams for our babies in the short time they were with me. I had our life planned out with their presence. I didn't know if I could go on without them.
And then we were blessed with our sweet Molly girl, and life made sense again. Would I ever want to re-live the moments where we lost our other two? Absolutely not. Would I want to go through another D & C, recovery and the emotional scars. No way. But, knowing that Molly was waiting for us, would have me do it 1246629174 times over.
God always knows.
Infant loss and miscarriage is so much more prevelant than I ever realized. It wasn't until I experienced it on my own, that I knew just how common it really was. I pray for each family out there that has had to go through something like this. It's heartbreaking and devestating. Many go on to have more children, but some do not. It breaks my heart to think that families who want, so badly, to have a child of their own, are not able to do so.
I can honestly say that I appreciate pregnancies, babies and all that comes with it, because of these tragic events. My heart has been softened and I am incredibly thankful to get to experience motherhood. Every single part of it.
**If you are the praying type, please say a prayer for Tripp and his parents tonight. It's been a loooooong, long journey and they have continued to display strength and faithfulness through it all. What an inspiration.**